God Cares

God cares, shelters, loves, etc. Apparently He does a lot of things. And while I'm not particularly a religious creature (though I do believe there is some higher powers that be), I will show the respect that such beliefs deserve despite what I am about to say (type).

When I was younger, I attended various churches/church functions regularly, or at the very least semi-regularly. Sundays for sure. I went to Sunday school as well. I have read the Bible somewhat. I have prayed, I have pondered Heaven and Hell. But for all the belief in the world there is also disbelief.

Which is where I come in. I don't know why, particularly, save for my own spite that may cause my feelings. God was never made bad to me. He was never made scary, I was never given any reason to not believe. He was like that uncle you never see. Oh you know he exists, you know his name, but you never really see him or hear from him. Maybe he sends a present down your way from time to time.

Yet in light of all of that it still comes down to me now at present being someone who won't name God as the One And Only religious being. Maybe science has clouded my belief systems, maybe I'm simply so open minded about world religions and what not that I can't commit to the ideal of one Being, being the reason for everything that every is, was, will be, and so forth. Maybe I'm jaded by those who are so religious that if you don't match their level or what they say or think, they automatically think you're going to hell because you won't conform. Fire and Brimstone anyone?

Now I'm not saying all who believe are like that, but even those that do admit that there are those who take it way too far into the land of what can arguably be called crazy and scary and a religious turn off.

God has a plan. He gives everyone a plan to go by and while you personally don't know the steps, you're still supposed to be taking them. This plan should not necessarily be confused with Fate. I think this is another reason I have trouble believing. If God has me mapped out, he chose a horrible way to make me get to that "grand goodness at the end that makes all the suffering worth it".

Do I deserve such things for sinning? No. Everyone sins. And I do mean everyone. In some way or another, you've done it. I've never committed a major sin myself so I don't think I have too high a score against me on the Heaven vs. Hell meter. In fact I'm under the belief that "good people, reap good rewards" and I try to do good in various forms. I've been told by people that even that's not enough. Seems kind of hypocritical to that whole "don't sin" policy. Because if I'm not being good, I'm more or less sinning in some way.

But when things get hard in life, it's just so hard to think that's all right. You want to tell me that God's plan is to give me friends and then to take them all away from me in various forms? To give me a talent that is worthless in this day and age? To put my life in what seems like slow motion while everything and everyone around me is moving forward? To make it that I can't be happy without some form of medical science induced wonder? Sure I may not have it as bad as some. I may just be some whiny middle-class moron. Think what you will. I'm just wondering how grand a positive can be to strive for, when there are so many negatives along the way. How does one survive that hard road for the end where they reap the rewards for suffering in various ways?

Is that God really caring? And no. I don't expect anyone to offer me the "Grand Explanation" to it all. I probably won't believe it, won't read it, won't listen. Sad as some of you may think that is.